Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
