And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
