did you get engaged???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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