I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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