god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
