I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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