some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
