FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
