Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
