Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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