just come out here and I will go home with you...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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