my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
