So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
