I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize