The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
