Cold hands, warm shart.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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