apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
