is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
