My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
