I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
