it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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