I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
