I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
