you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
