Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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