let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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