Michael Bay diarrhea
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
