I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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