Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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