If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
