hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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