1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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