I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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