I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
