I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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