oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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