I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
