a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
