You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
