i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
