Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
