the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
