So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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