They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
