If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
