I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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