I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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