Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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