What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
