I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
