Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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