It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
