I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
