he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
