why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
