he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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