Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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