A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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