He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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