I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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