so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
