butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
