Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
