everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
