Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
