Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The power of my boobs compel you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
