also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
