Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
