# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
