All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
