Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
