my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
